I think I get turned off by people who complain a lot. And a lot of people at Cornell complain. I also realize that I complain a lot. It’s something that ties us all together.  There is no conversation that I hear more often than the one below:

A: How’d you do on that test?
B: Not too good.
A: Haha don’t worry. I bombed it too.
B: That’s good to know. That lowers the mean for me.

Seriously, it seems like that’s all people care about. Doing well on tests relative to the class. Sometimes, I listen to these conversations, and they seem so pointless to me. Neither of the two seem to be paying attention to the other one’s complaints. They just taken turns complaining to each other.

Now, let’s say Person B continues to complain so much about the test that Person A eventually stops complaining because he feels bad for Person B. When they get their tests back, it is discovered that Person B actually did better than Person A did. This is a common scenario that I have witnessed (and taken part in) countless times. Not only will Person A realize that he was victim to the talk-myself-into-having-low-expectations-so-I-will-like-my-test-score strategy, but he will also feel like he had the right to complain more than Person A did. On the next test, he will be sure to complain more.

But stop right there. That’s exactly where we lost it. The thing is that neither of the two should complain in the first place, because they both got what they deserved.

Complaining, in many cases, is a form of self-pity. Complainers want others to know that they did not get what they wanted. In other words, they are announcing that they deserve more relative to their efforts. “Man I have to get at least a 3.5” is essentially “My efforts should be worth at least a 3.5.” What a prideful thing to imply. Especially if it’s not true.

When people say “Man I have to get at least a 3.5” though they know their inputed efforted won’t grant them a 3.5, they’re implying that they are better than they really are. On the other hand, when people say “Man I don’t think I can break 3.0” when they know they can easily do so, they are implying the unfairness in the system, because they deserve at least a 3.0. They’re telling everybody to look at how much they’re suffering. Essentially, they’re also implying that they are better than they really are.

I’m not saying that you cannot share test scores or GPAs. But there really is a point when the sharing becomes emotional pride swings. That’s the dangerous line.

And I’m a huge hypocrite while I write this.

So what?

I resolve to complain less. The purpose of my life isn’t to take tests anyway. Or to get a good job. Or to get rich. Oh no. There are better things to live for.

– Larry